[Teaching Stories] So Very Many Things

Although a short week (for me), this week held very many things to think about, deal with, look up, figure out, wonder about, come to terms with, understand, or fix.  Here is a list of things off of the top of my head.  Each of these things is directly related to one or more of the 22 students in my classes.

• How do you convince a kid that finding the Greatest Common Multiple of two numbers is actually important?
• What do you do for an 8th grader that is reading at the first grade level and on their way to high school?
• What do you do for kids that are almost certainly involved in child prostitution?
• How do you provide educational support for your students who are currently in juvenile detention?
• What do you do for a student who reports having been pregnant recently?
• How can you get enough therapy for children with emotional disturbance?
• When does Oppositional Defiant Disorder become Conduct Disorder and does it matter?
• What is the teacher's role for children who's parents do not provide doctor prescribed medication?
• When do "yo mama" and "Viagra" jokes become sexual harassment?
• How do you talk a kid into coming to school if their guardians won't make them?
• How important is it to uphold the "no gum chewing" rule?
• What do you say to a little girl who has been taken from her home the night before (for accusations of sexual abuse)?
• How do you tell a kid that his shoes smell so awful you can smell him coming down the hall?  Especially if, when you let the parent know that it was an issue, she was certain is wasn't the shoes but the fact that he is incontinent?
• How hard do you push the little girl who has been crying all morning?
• What do you do when your dog pees on the disgusting couch you have in your classroom?
• How do you get rid of a disgusting couch from your classroom?
• How do you balance the role of teacher and the role of proxy disciplinarian? proxy parent?  proxy counselor?
• At what point to stand your ground and make people do their own job--even if you know it will mean kids get less than they deserve?
• What should you do with the information that your students are STILL behind on the state standards?
• How do you get a parent signature you are required by law to have from a parent that won't respond to your calls or emails?  
• How do you react when you find out from everyone else that your school might be relocated?
• Should you let kids come in to your room during your planning time if that is what they consider a privilege? Or should you get your work done?
• What do you do when another staff-person undermines you in front of your class?  Do you show the kids how to be gracious, or how to be strong?
• Where do you draw the line when a student has been hit or beat up 9 times in 5 months by 7 different students?  
• What do you do when a child may have just faked a seizure in order to get out of detention?
• How long do you ignore the student who has clearly called you a bad name or five and has just buried the detention form in the dirt--in front of you?
• How do you respond when your male students say "oh good, the girls are gone, let's have a fart war!"

So there you have it.  As always, advice is welcome, smart-ass comments are expected.

[Classroom Management] When Duct Tape is Appropriate

I have an Incessant Leaner in my classroom.  He leans back in his chair, the chairs get bendy and squeaky AND he has fallen on his little poodle head multiple times.  Today, he and I came up with a solution:

DUCT TAPE!!!

*Note--HE suggested the duct tape.  It's not a vicious punishment-- in fact another student already asked if they can sit in that chair next.  No students were harmed or mistreated in this situation.

[Teaching Tools] Don't Be A Name-Caller

Well friends, it's that time again.  Get ready, cover your mouths, and zip your lips.  It's...

link here

Did you know? I did, but then I forgot. Now I'm wracking my brain to think if I did any name-calling this week. I'm quite certain I didn't call any of the poodle-heads names. Except for Poodle-head, and Snarky McSnarkerton, and Winner! Oops. Those are names, and I did call them.  Oh, and I just remembered I did call someone on the television box a pretty nasty name for being mean to their girlfriend on a TV show on Monday. This is why I don't watch TV. It brings the evil out! Now I've ruined the whole week.

Seriously though, my caped friends, I do recommend paying a little attention to the concept behind this week. You may have noticed in the past decade or so that it's getting harder and harder to be a kid.  One of the things I've seen increase alarmingly is the level of nasty name-calling that goes on.  They aren't calling each other "stupid-head" any more (did they ever?), and they are going far beyond simple "sticks-and-stones" level harassment.  Not only are kids in in danger of being seriously mistreated by other kids, they are also in danger of thinking this kind of treatment is accepted or acceptable.  I know, a week of no name-calling isn't the answer--just like Just Say No didn't work back when I was growing up, and DARE didn't work when my brothers were--but where else do we begin?  We need to be overt with our kiddos and make sure they know that  not only will we not allow them to mistreat someone, but we won't allow them to be mistreated.

Wow.  Did I start to get preachy or what?  Either way, don't call anyone any names until at least Saturday.  You dig it?

[Teaching Tools] He Continues to Ride... and He Has a Sidekick!

The Man on the White Horse has been spending a lot of time outside my classroom window lately (not in the road like he did here).  He pretty much has the sentence fragment part of his job nailed. The kidlets GET that. Actions verbs? Not bad. Nouns? Meh...  Adjectives?  Dicey. It's going well though. He's doing a fair job of teaching the poodle-heads some grammar lessons.

Last week we had to review helping verbs. After years of being told that verbs were actions, helping verbs make for a mighty kick in the grammatical pants. We listed some of the more common (be, have, do, could, might). I promised them that they were really called verbs even though you can't always "see the Man on the White Horse do them" (the guideline for determining if a verb is a verb). I further explained that each of these verbs needed another verb to help or it wasn't a sentence. We practiced with the Man on the White Horse. Someone (usually me) would gallop up to a student and say a phrase with only a helping verb, then gallop off. The rule is, if you're confused after the Man on the White Horse leaves, it probably wasn't a complete sentence. Phrases like "John might."  and "the chicken does" left the listener confused. *

Then one of the poodle-heads decided the Man on the White Horse needed a sidekick. He created "Mighty Man"--the helping verb side kick (get it "might"y Man?. He would come in with the helping verb, but the Man on the White Horse would have to add the other verb to make it complete.They'd have to HELP each  other to make a complete thought. Light bulbs flashed everywhere.Mighty Man and the Man on the White Horse, together, made helping verbs make sense. LOVE it!

At the same time, another student was certain I was mistaken about the need for two verbs. I assigned him the task of proving me wrong. He was to find a sentence that used only a helping verb and no action verb.  He found a couple-- "I might."  "It could."  We tested them out on the Man on the White Horse. If he galloped up and said those words, would we have all the information needed to understand the sentence?  The kiddo decided no. That while they might be used as sentences, they were actually missing something. He figured that the something that was missing would be found in the sentences before or after. I smiled widely at this.  So very very proud.



*Note--we have specified that the listener will not confused as to why a man on  a white horse is galloping up to them in school, since this is just his job. Any OTHER confusion though, THAT'S the learning tool.

[NPBTS] Sooooo....

The time has come for this caped teacher to renew her National Teaching Certificate. Back in 2002 I earned (got? won? obtained?) a national certification in Early Adolescent/English-Language Arts.  I won't bore you with the details of that whole thing unless you ask me.  If you're interested in the original application process or what it means, I will gladly wax professional (Is that a thing?  Can you "wax professional?" I'm pretty sure I can.).  For now, though, I am focused on renewing the blasted thing.  It's up for renewal as of 2012, but it takes a year or so to prepare the application.

So guess what y'all get to hear about?

It is due April 30th.  There are three components.  I am trying to draft the first component.  It is approximately 12 pages of writing and I need to determine four areas of Professional Growth Experiences (PGE) that exemplify my continued work as a National Certified teacher.  I'm meeting with a group of six or so other renewal candidates at CSU Fullerton once a month to talk about our progress.  At the January meeting I was officially running behind.  In order to keep from being painfully behind for the February meeting I need to actually... write the thing.

I need to write about myself and the amazing and wonderful things I've done that prove I'm still worthy of the National Board distinction.  I have to pick four areas and shine bright lights onto my work and say "I" a lot.  I need to use pedagogically correct phrases and come up with a reason I do the things I do--a reason that is more than "'cause I wanta?"  I need to show that kids learn because of what I do.  So what are they... what... are... they....  My four PGE's.  They are....  They are...

1. Differentiated Instruction--Yeah, I do this like gangbusters.  I don't know if I can prove it and take the required video of it, but THIS I do.

2. Focus on At-risk Learners--can I prove this?  How can I prove it?  Will I have to be ballsy and take some flat-out credit for things?

3.  Something where I talk about getting the Administrative Certificate.  But what? Maybe  the Summer School Principal gig?  I did that for 3 years. Maybe the extra parts of the job now?  Oh yeah, and the Program Specialist stuff--that's sort of admin.

4. Professional Development Provider--I'll need video of some of the classes where I guest teach.  What else?  I didn't save any of that stuff!  Hm. This one will be hard.

Any feedback from you, my caped followers? What do I need to talk about here? I gotta get this thing drafted and quick!  Who wants to write it for me? Who wants to buy me wine while I write? Who wants to edit when I'm done?  Who wants me to buy them wine while they edit?

I'm avoiding it.  A. Void. Ing.  Ack!

Quote of the Week #16

Me: J.?
J: Yes Ms. M?
Me: Are you laying on the floor?
J: Yes Ms. M.
Me: Okay.  Just checking.
J: Okay Ms. M.

[Friday Free-Day] Bumper Stickers

I don't like bumper stickers. They are messy-looking, and they tell me more information about the drivers than I want to know. When I drive behind a car with a hot mess of bumper stickers, I can't help but stare at them, read them, analyse them. This is not only dangerous, but completely ruins the chi of my driving time.

Here's a for instance:

So, driving behind a dude in this car, I can't help but read all of the stickers and try to put them into a semblance of a personality. This person is begging to be judged, and they are choosing to do it based on stickers. Then I start to wonder what bumper stickers I would pick, if I were a bumper-sticker kind of gal. Which I'm not, as I said earlier. But it is this kind of circular thinking that gets me all a-twitter.  And not the cell phone/internet kind of twitter.

That's my thought for the day. That, and why are there so many Chevy Impalas on the freeways, and why on Earth do they still make them?

[CCW] I May Have Copy-Catted Her

This Week's Caped Crusader of the Week is Mrs. R.  Sadly, I can't tell you much about her as I've never gotten to teach with her. She teaches at a nearby middle school, and sometimes I get students that were in her class before they were "asked" to leave her school. They have all liked her and speak fondly of her when they come to me. This sounds innocuous, but it isn't an easy feat with my little twinkle-tots. They're quite certain teachers are out to get them, and whichever school they've come from just didn't like them. Not so with Mrs. R. In fact, this mini-convo happened today:

Student A:  Remember Mrs. R?
Student B:  Who?
Student A:  Mrs. R--the cool one?
Student B:  Oh yeah!  I liked her!
Student A:  Yeah!


So there you have it, out of the mouths of... punk kids. She loves her kiddos, she loves to teach, and she treats them honestly and with dignity. She should have a cape--one of these days I'll get off my lazy bum and make her one. Or a hat. But not slippers.

Here's another thing about Mrs. R--I'm pretty certain she had purple hair before I did. I didn't see it, and can honestly maintain that I did not copy her, but I'm pretty sure she was first. That's how cool she is.

So there you have it.  Another caped crusader, and this one actually teaches in my zip code!